VICE’s Guide to London’s Worst Nightclubs – My View!

I was pointed in the direction of this article (again) the other night, last month, and several months before that… which is on VICE’s tour of London’s Worst Nightclubs:-https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/club-crawl-londons-worst-nightclubs

Sadly (or proudly, not sure!) I’ve been to ALL of these… and while some are legit bad, some are actually quite good! So I’ve included my opinons on here about all of them:-

INFERNOS, Clapham

I’m not going to defend this. I’ve been here too many times than I’d like. It is EXACTLY how VICE describe it (included the ‘Marcena’ dancing, the place goes wild as soon as that comes on) but it’s one of those places that you know, before you walk in, what to expect, which isn’t always a bad thing. Mega cheesy, lots of random people there, but can be a mega fun night, if you can make it that! Don’t set your expectations too high when you come here.

TIGER TIGER, HAYMARKET

This is place is which is etched in history as literally the last place you’d go on a night out (and nowhere else will let you in) if you’re around the West End. However, I’ve always had  a good time there – there is enough variety in the rooms, that you can have cheesy disco, R’n’B, and Dance/House, and it’s well priced. I think the problem with this place is, is becuase they practically let anyone in – it can be a mixed bag – from sharp-suited execs to random students to hen parties, all with different attitudes. Weeknights (particularly Tuesday and Thursdays) in my experience, have been best nights – Friday/Saturdays can be a bit crazy, mostly becuase it can get filled up quite quickly, then there isn’t much room to move around to the bar, etc. You can get a drink, a dance and legit have a decent night there.

OPAL BAR, EMBANKMENT

Overlooking the Thames, it is a very high-end place. Unfortunately, that’s reflected in the prices for drinks/food (very pricey for drinks/nibbles), the VIP areas were jammed packed. There is a good vibe in the place however – the main dancefloor is always busy, there isn’t a sense of randomness with the people there I’ve found (the crowd mostly are all 25-30+, all full time jobs, you won’t find students, etc here) and it’s music selection is really good (lots of nostalgic 90’s tracks are played)

I’d still recommend it is as a last stop for partying if around that area, rather than travelling back into West End/Soho (or you can’t get into Heaven a few minutes away)

AQUARIUM, OLD STREET

Hard to think that this place has been open since 1995 – a rare thing nowadays. It’s not the best place (A 2.5 out of 5 rating on TripAdvisor) mostly becuase, like with Tiger Tiger, they are relaxed on crowds and dress codes – so literally anyone can go in there. In the few times I’ve been there over the years I’d seen a few scuffles and arguements, and, while it does get quite busy, sometimes there hasn’t been a pleasant vibe there, especially from the staff/bouncers in my experience (side note: I didn’t go into the Aquarium part, only the club/dancefloor area!) There are enough places around the Shoreditch area to go, so I would say come here as a last resort only

Put simply, there are a LOT worse places you can go for a night out in London – but like anything, it can depend massively on your crowd, area and budget!

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